Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
