Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You've changed since you got that strap on
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
