i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
