Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
