I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
