I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
