dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
