i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
