Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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