Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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