She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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