I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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