Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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