so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
