he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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