Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
