1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
