that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
