somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
