Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
