you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
