How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
