If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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