You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
