His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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