im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
