about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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