When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
