the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
