Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
