What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
