I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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