Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
