people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
