so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
