he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
