I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The ass gains better be worth it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
