No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
