so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
