Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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