it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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