I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
