First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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