i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
