Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
