This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
