All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
