I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
