I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
