Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
