My friends, they love my intelligence
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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