this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
